RDJ: Pre-diet Journey




Welcome back to the brand new section ‘Romacchiato Diet Journal’

Many of you have asked what’s the secret of my 10 kg (20 lbs)success, but I think it’s best if I share you what I’ve been through before I decided to go on an epic diet journey. 

I know I'm about to highlight some embarrassing facts of my life, but I guess if this could motivate some ladies with the same problem like mine, why not! So if you're also a big beauty (or perhaps feel that you are) in distress since nothing works, then we're in the same boat!

Please please please, before you think that I'm gonna give a same old song, don't close the tab nor navigate away! I urge you to make yourself a cup of coffee, sit back, and read this til finish.

You still there? Okay? Good! 


So here is the tale of Romacchiato, in the stage of life of...


BEFORE DIET

I've been fat all my life. And from my internet research, I found that it's even harder to go on a successful diet program for people with obesity since they are little.

Then there I was, born as a premature, sickly baby. The doctor even said to my mom that I should drink water for every hour, otherwise I would grow to be a spastic idiot (kid you not) since my heart had not yet been developed perfectly.

Therefore mum was trying to feed me with the best food, she claimed I even had 4 different brands of baby porridge for me alone. She thought, it’s okay to have an obese daughter, as long as I’m healthy and smart.

I remember being the fat kid in my school years—and it somehow gotten worse after I broke up TWO TIMES with two different people. I went from 60 kg (120 lbs) to 70 kg (140 lbs) to 80 kg (160 lbs) and—the heaviest weight in my history of living—to 90.1 kg! 

Nothing Works

All these years, though, I have tried almost everything. I've tried acupuncture, diet pills, diet supplements, fasting, extreme workouts, dietitians, but NOTHING seemed to work for me!

In 2008, I just decided to quit the diet. I hated it with all my heart. Since the break-up, I just had enough with boys. I was irritated by the fact that they only care about looks, thus decided that I would date the ones that could accept me for all I am--including the fat version of me.

I just worked and did whatever I liked. I spent my income on drawing equipment, random things, food, and anything that could make me happy. I also avoided people, I acted nonchalant but I actually had this paranoia of how my friends commenting on my looks. I never attended reunion parties, since I knew I had gotten fatter and I certainly did not want to hear anything related to my weight.

I pretended to be happy, but I was not. Moreover, since I ate a lot of unhealthy foods, my acne got a whole lot worse. 

In 2011, I had a new job, and my life had gotten even busier. Even up til now, I go work at 6 AM and arrive home at 10-11 PM. But of course, diet was long forgotten, I just ate and ate in order to survive!

That year I also I sought ways to clear up my acnes. I was obsessed; I was reading a lot of skincare articles day and night. The money spent on art whacamacallits then spent on too many skincare products. I thought, being fat was already too much, but being fat and acne-infested? That's a whole lot of ew.

My skin did clear up. I felt so accomplished! But I was still very self-conscious on how I looked. I got tired easily, and somehow got sick often. It was hard to find clothes for me, and all year long I had to endure all name-callings and mockery from strangers, co-workers, and my own students.

My self-esteem hit rock bottom in April 2013

On the 7th (Saturday) I had a fight with mom since she brushed a topic of my weight. She had asked around of ways of losing weight to her friends, and suggested I should go to a nutritionist at this hospital. I know she's only worried of my health, but I mentally justified myself for being such a good and obedient daughter--so why would she even bother with how I looked? 

I was devastated, depressed and lost of hope. Honestly, I wanted to punch skinny people in their faces. (No offense! I was stupid, I know.) So I just stayed up until 4 AM (Sunday), pondering on what future I'd have. Maybe die alone with cats. Or dogs. Or roaches, it didn't matter anymore lololol. (Yeaaah, then I found out I had my period thus why all the drama.)

And I don't know whether it's valid or not to pray to God and beg Him to help me with diet. I mean, I thought only people with cancer or in the verge of death that deserve to ask for miracles. But I did anyway. So I knelt down, feeling awkward and fumbling with words, but I had no one to ask for help.

I cried in my prayer, asking for His forgiveness for abusing this body and for not keeping it well. And you know what? God is so good. After I prayed, I opened my bible, and read the book of John chapter 5. 

John 5: 1-11
There's a pool called Bethesda, every once in a while an angel went down and troubled the water; whosoever then first stepped in would be cured with whatever disease he had. And there was a man who had been crippled for 38 years. Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he said unto him: "Do you want to be healed?" The man, however, gave excuses and excuses. He said that no one cared about him, leave alone helping him to go to the healing pool when angel stirred the water. Jesus said no more words. He just asked the crippled man to rise and walk. 

I paused at the part where Jesus knows that the man had been crippled a long time in that case. That case would mean being crippled. He sees the man, He knows what has been troubling him and He wants him to be healed! And I believe back then Jesus was already famous for His miracles. 

I mean, it's just weird if you've been crippled in a long time, and suddenly a Man who can perform miracles just appears before your eyes and offers His help, you don't immediately answer with a simple "yes"? Instead, the crippled blamed the others for not helping him out. But Jesus didn't say anything more. He just helped the man. He helped him, despite of how the crippled man doesn't have a faith in Him.

I am that crippled man. 

I didn't believe that God could help me in anything. I blamed everyone. I avoided everyone. Heck, I hated everyone. What's worse, I belittled the amazing things that God could do in my life.

New Hope

So I decided to give it a shot. I went to that hospital. And I am glad that I did. If you're asking how I am doing now, well, I'm better than ever. I'm on my 40th day of dieting and I'm proud to say I have lost 11 kg (22 lbs) in total!

I would post the session on the next post, though. It's getting late here and I need to get up early tomorrow. But, please don't give up hope! If I could do it, everyone can! 

I want you to stop feeling awful and tell the world that you can. You can you can you can.

YOU CAN DO IT FO SHO!!!!


Til the next post, everyone, and have a good sleep!

6 comments:

  1. Huwaaa.. This Inspired Me so much!! Aku Juga lg Mo konsul Dokter gizi Nih. Honestly aku sangat ga pede Dng kondisi Tubuh aku but I pretend to be happy with it. Thanks a lot for Sharing. I am waiting for the next post about this

    http://thecurvybutterfly.blogspot.com

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    1. Oke deaaar. Im glad it motivates you!!! Keep me updated with the result, maybe? So we can motivate each other!! :D

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  2. lanjutkan kaa!! aku juga harus turunin 20kg ;___;

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  3. good luck with your diet roma :)
    fighting! you did a good job so far, I ever tried diet but it was hard as hell...

    Love,Leonita
    www.blackblueblizzard.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Makasih banyak ya lele sayang ;-; seriusan ih gw hepi bgt bs baca komen nyemangatin gini uguuuii

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